Once upon a time I was an innocent girl, shy, reserved, prim and proper, covered in pink lace with bows in my hair. I stood on a picnic table singing at the top of my lungs; 'You Can Paint a Rainbow' by Rainbow Bright. I can recite all the lyrics to this day. I knew little of the evils of the world and in my isolated, protected bubble they were kept at arms length. Except for the things that weren't.
My childhood was woven with challenges, my adolescence dripping with emotion, and my adulthood reflects it all. I carry some baggage that I can't ever seem to unpack; baggage that my husband gets to carry more often than I like, but when I sift through pain, the fear, and the memories I'm reminded that all of those things have shaped me and molded me into my current self. At times I am slow to laugh, quick to criticize, and I pop off without thinking. I've established boundaries of protection which I can't always explain and at times I find that I'm less trusting and more guarded than I ever thought I would be. I've been hurt by strangers and friends, and those who say they love me. It's a part of life, I know, yet still I feel my heart harden with each new assault. You may not know my story. You may have called me names or judged me. In truth I have been all of the things you say. My life has gone into survival mode more times than I can count and with that comes consequences. Sometimes I think that my survival mode takes a tiny piece of me and keeps it in that dark, lonely place paving the path for quicker access next time.
With all of this being said, all of the struggles in my life have written my story. The story of my parenting, the story of my compassion, the story of my fear, and the story of my salvation. I know I'm not the only one who carries a scar from their past. As the saying goes, Be kind to each person you meet for you never know what battles they are fighting.
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