Not A Perfect Mom

Most of my friends are in the midst of building their family, multiplying in numbers, having babies... Call it what you will.  I on the other hand am raising a pre-teen and a tween.  My girls are going through hormonal changes, friend drama, boyfriends and crushes, math homework, sports activities, and all things One Direction.  They have boy band posters covering their walls.  We have "The Best Song Ever" blaring throughout our house as two different girls listen to the same song in two different areas of the house at two different parts of the song competing in volume.  I get eye rolling, door slamming, the biggest most drawn out sigh you've ever heard, hands on hips, hair flipped over shoulder, and tears, tears, tears.  Some days I wonder how we are going to survive and still be "friends" when the dust settles.

I'm often asked by those friends who are raising small children, "Can you give me lessons on parenting? Your girls are so well behaved!"  In truth, this is one of the best compliments you could ever pay me.  My mission for the last 13 years has been to be the best mother that I can.  Some days I cry more than they do because I feel like a complete failure yet other days shed tears of pride at how amazing my children are.  Don't get me wrong, I can't take all the credit, but I think it's time for parents to take credit where credit is due in the good, the bad and the really, really ugly.  I can tell you where I fail my girls.  I can tell you the most hateful thing that has spewed out of my mouth as they have my blood boiling.  I can see my errors, my shortcomings, the gaps in my parenting on a fairly regular basis.  I know what part I can take credit for and I know what part I have to take credit for.

As to the key to my parenting, it is simple.  If I say I'm going to do it, I will, no need to test me.  They usually do and end up... crying.  And, I always, always think backwards.  What behaviors do I need to instill in my girls today so they are honest, respectful, trustworthy, accountable, humble, compassionate adults?  Is the behavior I'm allowing in line with my hope for their character?  I've asked myself this question so many times and so many times I've changed my response based on the answer.  It's really hard to be the mom who doesn't allow this or that or to be the mom who has high expectations.  But someday I want my girls to appreciate the lessons that they learned as children that some adults still don't have a grasp on today.

I'm grateful that I can't offer my kids the sun and moon and stars.  If I could, it will be really hard me to say no and for them to understand why I choose not to.  With all that I've done wrong, I hold onto hope that I've done enough right to give my girls their best possible chance at having a great character.