My Dance

Sometimes I feel like the weight of the world is dancing on my shoulders and I just can't seem to join in the fun. I'm not sure what holds me back and keeps me in my chair. Somewhere I got the idea that I have to "be a lady". Immediately this sets me apart. I often wonder if there is another world that I belong in. Don't get me wrong, I am not unhappy, not in the least. I just feel misunderstood. I sit back with my hands folded gently in my lap with a smile pasted on my face watching other people in the spotlight. Maybe it's fear of being a fool, or that I'm just not brave, maybe it's because your opinion of me is worth more than my own.

In my own mind I see myself doing great things and being needed; I have a purpose outside of my home. Is this pride? Is it vanity? What gives me the desire to be great but keeps me in my seat all at the same time? I want to be more than I am. I want to fly to great heights and feel the excitement of success. Not necessarily success in the traditional sense. I don't need bucket fulls of money and fame is of no interest to me. I want success in the form of being great at what I do and who I am. I would consider myself a success if a friend told me I saved her marriage, or my husband were to tell me that the amazing man he is today is a result of being with me... I would be a success if my children were to grow up into amazing woman after God's own heart. When I graduate and start a career I want people to choose me as their therapist, not only because I know what I'm doing, but because my touch and my way gives them hope and comfort. I want to leave a fingerprint on this world even if in the smallest of ways; a legacy that my children can be proud of... that I can be proud of.

So while the world dances, I will just sit back and wait. My turn will come and when it does I will gracefully stand and join the dance.